Here I am with my heart broken by the same man once again. How many times was I going to let him hurt me ? How many times was I going to let the pain of him haunt me. Obviously a lot because I needed something to drown out everything I was feeling.
Im single I’m in a new city and I feel alone. So I slept around, I became a Sex expert , I did things I would never imagine doing because of my pain.
i slept with Chandler finally ,because I needed someone else to cuddle with at night besides my cat. I know he didn’t love me he didn’t even offer to help me move but he was consistent , he texted me goodnight and good morning and it was enough for me . I felt like even though we were not in a relationship he was making love to me. It was enough to keep my fragil heart satisfied.
But I also slept with Jordan he was for when I needed something rough and hard. He would pick me up and bang me aginsh the wall like it was no tomrrow , and because of online dating I was going out with men left and right. I thought this was enough. I carried condoms in my car , in my wallet , in my pockets, all over my house. You would have thought that I was a man I had so many condoms.
i love kids and I can not wait to provide for them one day but I do not believe that they are for me so I avoidedthem at all cost. Sex kept me satisfied it was a way to keep men close to me but not get attached to me.
girls night at the bar could turn into a fuck session in the bathroom if needed , because I was a liberated woman. I’m surprised I made it into grad school and maintained a full time job with all of the sex I was having. Then one day it hit me and something changed.
It was New Year’s Eve and I spent it with Jordan , someone I knew I was going to drop in the new year. I spent every holiday with a new man ,I spent damn near every night with a new man , and where did it get me ? No where.
i mentioned previously that I only knew about sex because Larry was my gift and my only.sleeping with multiple men for a was more than a rush of a high it was a learning experience. I knew how big I liked dicks, or how rough and deep I wanted a man to go , I knew many times a week or which holes it felt best in.
Sex is not something I could tell you about it’s something you have to experience. I experienced sex in the deepest forms and in multiple ways and the most important lesson I learned is I needed to step away from boys and learn about myself. Who is Kelsey and what does she want ?
No larry, no man , no boyfriend in sight , all I had was myself and I didn’t want that. I believed life was not fulfilled unless I had soemonenon my side and I had to learn the hard way that it is okay to be alone. Sometimes sleeping alone in my bed was okay too, being next to a man who didn’t love me was worse than me sleeping alone.
Sex and this single girl had to take a break. Maybe it was me growing up or maybe it wa me actually learning from the things I write about , but Sex and love were two different things for me to have to experience.