I don’t know how to be single.

Three years into our engagement and here we are on the beach replanning our wedding. I asked him the whole time what did he think , or if he liked my ideas , or if he wanted something else. He said nothing , do what you want and so I did. Now here we are 90 days before our wedding in the middle of July sitting on the beach going over and changing everything I just planned. We had dinner on the beach something we always did and to me it was a typical day, the dogs playing in the sand , wedding magazines everywhere , and me and him. My life was perfect I lived in a beautiful apartment , had a wealthy fiancé , just recently graduated from college, planned the perfect wedding and thinking my life will be set at the rip age of 21. I had a degree , my man , life was great.

It wasn’t until I suggested we push the date up for our beach wedding that he looked at me and said he doesn’t love me anymore. He said after 6 years together he doesn’t feel the way he should feel about me and that we are taking this too far. I broke down, granted the idea of having a wedding to me at the time seemed more appealing than the thought of having this man be my husband till death do us part , but how do I explain to everyone we know that this is over.

We had the most awkward drive home. I had no sad music on my phone because I spent the last couple of years in love and happy and blissful, but thank you YouTube I played every sad song I could think of on the short ride home that felt like forever. We made it home only for him to tell me he packed a bag and he was staying with friends and I could keep the apartment that I knew this was preplanned. Had I ignored the signs that he was unhappy , that this is not what he wanted ? But this story , this blog isn’t about him, it is about me.

The strength and growth I had to gain in order to overcome to pick myself off the closet floor , stop listening to Keyshia Cole, and move forward. No one taught me how to be single. I spent the years I should have partying ,hooking up, being reckless being the perfect girlfriend , perfect daughter , perfect person. Not only did I have this fiancé who put this huge rock in my hand I had dedicated my life to medicine , getting ready for medical school , and planning for a typical boring life. To the man who ripped up my heart that day on the beach and shattered my world thank you.

Without you this story would never be told. Because I’m sure he will come up again let’s call him Larry. Since no one taught me to be single I had to teach myself.

the first lesson I learned is to pick myself off the floor. I did it. Here we go.

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